WOW!!! What A Year!

--> This is going to be a personal blog post. I’m mostly writing it for my own reference so that I can look back at all that’s happened in my life and see in what year all these changes began. I’ve made it public so feel free to read it if you want, but you will probably only care if you’re a really close friend or related to me.

In December of 2010 I knew exactly what 2011 was going to look like. It was going to be pretty much like the previous several years. It couldn’t have turned out more different.

Up to that point I’d never made New Years resolutions. My philosophy was when I saw something that needs to change in my life I changed it, regardless of the time of year. But last year was different. I don’t know if you’d call it a resolutions or not, but I made a decision to listen to my gut throughout the year. This was going to be a total change in how I would go through my life.

For the previous 15 years or more, I had been living my life from my head thinking and planning everything, so the change to trusting my gut was not an easy one, and quite often through the year I found myself in my head.

The first thing I learned was that unlike my head my gut would tell me to do things but it would not prioritize them. That was confusing at the beginning of the year but it got easier. Often through out the year I needed someone to point out what my gut had been yelling at me. As soon as they said it I knew that it was the right thing, but I still found myself arguing against it.

For instance in early April, I got a call from my ex-wife while I was in NYC for a film festival. Some things had happened in her life that had negatively impacted her health and her financial situation, and on top of that my daughter Chantez was not doing well in school. While at the New York film festival I was staying with my sister who lives in New Jersey, and when I related the above phone call she suggested that I have Chantez move in with me in California. I threw up all sorts of reasons why that couldn’t happen, but the truth was, my gut had been telling me that very thing since the fall but I had ignored it.

My daughter moved in with me in July and has become an A/B student during her first semester.

I mentioned the film festival. I started the year as a director and worked feverishly through the first quarter to try to put together a music video and several commercials, but each one of them fell apart and I realized that I didn't care enough to put in the work to try and put them back together.

While I was in NYC I had a realization that my favorite part of the filmmaking process was production. Production was the little sweet spot I the middle of a project where I got to work with the actors. I didn’t love pre production and really couldn’t care less about post. I wanted to spend all my time working with actors, so I decided I would change my pursuit: I was going to be an acting coach instead of a director.

I set up a class and a website and started a blog. The class never happened because no one signed up. I then found out that the name of my website was already the name of a very popular acting book, so I scrapped that site and launched another website.

I was restless because this direction didn’t feel right either. It wasn’t until I was on the phone with my friend Doug that I was able to understand what my gut had been trying to tell me for a while: I wasn’t supposed to be in the entertainment industry at all. Doug said, “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been 'Eric the actor,' and then 'Eric the director' and now 'Eric the acting coach.' Maybe it’s time for you to try just being Eric.”

That freaked me out a bit, because I didn’t know who Eric was, or what I should do with that piece of information. When I’d introduce myself as “Eric the actor,” “Eric the director,” or “Eric the acting coach,” I had some built in cool points. People liked those guys, and I wasn't sure they would like just Eric.

During my time in the entertainment industry, I had to work a day job to make ends meet and I lucked into a great one. I had been a bellman at two hotels and loved it. Not only did I love it, but also, I was good at it. While in the hospitality industry I figured out some secrets as to how to deliver excellent service, a service philosophy so to speak, and I was asked to share this philosophy by training all the new hires.

Now that I was no longer pursuing a career in the entertainment field, I decided that I'd go back to work as a bellman, but I couldn't just be a bellman, I had to be something special. I started my job search and I launched another blog called “How To Deliver Superhero Service” (SuperheroService.blogspot.com) that explains in detail all of the things I’d learned doing that job.

I talked to a guy that I used to work for who now runs another hotel, and although he had no openings we did have a great conversation. He told me some of the challenges he was facing, and I was able to offer him an outsider’s perspective and some new ideas and strategies. I got so much out of our conversation that I volunteered to help him on an ongoing basis, and began to call myself a consultant and trainer.

At some point I began to realize that I was doing it all over again, I was now “Eric the consultant and trainer.” BTW, nothing so far has come of my working with that guy.

Then it hit me that I have spent my whole adult life trying to build a life with the tools that I have already acquired. My gut began to tell me that I needed more tools in order to build the life I truly wanted, so I decided to go back to college.

On the plane on my way back from Thanksgiving with my sister and her family I sat next to a guy who asked what I did. I told him that I was in between things. To his follow up question I told him that I used to be a director, but had recently quit and that I was going to go back to school. When he asked what I was going to study, I responded honestly, knowing that I’d never see this guy again, and admitted that I didn’t know. Three things happened at that moment: first, giving up the pretense that I had it all under control felt good, second, the world didn’t crash down around me, and third the guy wasn’t disappointed or shocked or… anything. He just accepted that information, and more importantly, he accepted me at face value. The most surprising thing, to me anyway, was that he continued to be friendly and interested in me.

This year has been nothing if not unpredictable, scary, out-of-control, bizarre, strange and unpredictable (did I say that already…?). But I am happier, and I feel like I’m finally getting on the right track.

So here we are, going into 2012 and I’m here to tell you that the only thing I know for sure that’s going to happen this year is that I’m going to spend the next 365 days listening to and trusting my gut.